happiness

LessThanZero

happiness

18

18/05/08 à 23:11

My philosophy teacher has always been a bitch. Now she's gone because of her pregnancy and we haven't studied the big topic I would have loved to study: happiness.
I mean, I've always been fascinated by happiness, not that I tried to reach it, but I first tried to isolate this word from its first meaning, which is being rich, having a family, a situation, two kids, one called Brad Jr. and one called July or whatever.
So let me first say that I'm quiet disappointed by the fact that we didn't study this topic.
I'm gonna sound clumsy, maybe dumb, but that's the way I see things.
Happiness. It took me a while to understand this word. I'm not even sure to be right about it. I'm not even sure I want my definition to be right. It would spoil everything anyway.
During years now, my vision of life has changed. I won't act like "I was blind i didn't see things" but still. Things changed.
So yeah. Happiness. How could we fucking define this concept?
It sounds private to me. Is it a gift? Can you literally reach it? Do you have to wait & see?
fuck it.
In this wild world, I've been trying to find out what happiness was. Here's what I've figured out.
Things are barely bearable. You're in a self-destructive world. I mean, each time you walk in a street, each time you face a problem, each time you see a earthquake on TV, or each time you see how people tend to eventually die, you remember this. Your memories are intimately related to your vision of life. Your poor manichean brain will define if this is a good, or a bad memory. And it'll freeze. In your mind. Forever.
And you can't be happy with all the things happening down here. As human beings, we can't ignore what's going on. In our lives, in other's lives, we are human after all. I guess we all have a vision of happiness. We all tend to picture ourselves happy. I do. I bet you do too. But it would be totally irresponsible to pretend everything's fine. Because another thing about happiness: it can't deal with ignorance. How could we possibly be happy without knowing everything? I mean, we don't have the right, we don't deserve to be happy if we don't know what it is to live.We can't even know what is happiness -if it's a good thing- if we don't have been hurt at a certain point. Because how could we possibly judge something without perfectly knowing it. I know what you'll say: "we do it all the time", but it doesn't work with happiness, because nobody can say he has the right answer. Nobody can say "hey dude, I know what happiness is and it's fucking awesome!!! " Let's take an example so you can fully understand. Laurie Girard is fat. By claiming this, I make a judgment. Laurie, herself, doesn't believe she is. Is it an endless issue as happiness? No it's not. because at the moment Laurie will put her fat-ass on her scales, and see that she's overweight, we'll have the proof that she's fat.
So how about happiness? The thing about happiness is: we don't have scales. We can't define it properly.
I can't. All I know is that I can't be happy.
Why? remember the memory stuff? It spoils everything. All the good moments are so over. It won't happen again. And future's unstable, we fear it. Present is a fucking mess. We could be happy if we could define present. The thing is that present is just a thing between past and future. A warm past and a cold future. Nothing in between.
empty spaces. vacuum. fuck it.
You'll tell me "hey Julian, why are you so fucking mad? I mean, you sound crazy."
I maybe do. That's not the point anyway.
So yeah. I guess I'm the only one who's that twisted to think this, which prevent me from ever sharing my happiness, cause it makes me alone.
But the good things is I have the key to be happy.
Yes I do.
Fuck Epicure. He was like "manage your desire". Seriously, he was outta his head.
My answer is probably wrong, and it's pretty dramatic anyway.

To be happy, you first have to:
Know everything in this world, just be omniscient, be aware of everything that's good, and everything that's bad in this world. Just to be able to measure and ration happiness. Just to know how hard your work will be. Just because ignorance won't fit.
Then, when you're aware of everything, which is clearly impossible, you have a choice to make.
Maybe the most important of your life.
You have the choice to forget everything, the choice to forget about everything you've learnt about life, the sad things. and be selfish. ignoring your pain and others, and reach happiness by complete selfishness and self-accomplishment. You'll notice that this answer is physically impossible to apply because if you forget about what you've learnt, which -by the way- had made you figure out what was happiness, you're back to the start and you can't define happiness anymore (huh).
OR, you can make the choice to be smart, be intelligent, and forget about happiness. Because the bad things you remember won't fade away. Nor the good that will never ever happen anymore. Because the only fact that we have a memory is a major obstacle to happiness. I personally believe this is the way to act. Intelligent but definitely sad.

This hypothesis is pretty clumsy. It's totally impossible.
So as a poor human ignorant, I'm stuck. Because I can't define happiness. And the only way I've found to reach it, is irrelevant, because impossible. Nobody has ever been happy and will ever be. I'm stuck in a present where happiness doesn't even exist, because it's present.
fuck it. The happiness we experiment is false. It's a fake version of what it could really be, of what it will never be. Because nobody will ever know what it is. The only thing we apply is that old phrase: "beati pauperes spiritu". And i'd rather know what I know than being ignorant and believe that I'm truly happy when' I'm not.

You fool.

Miss c0n_ass  

happiness

2/18

18/05/2008 à 23:22

It's a little bit to long for me at this time

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